Saturday, December 08, 2007

Minha Solidão E Eu

Em Santo Domingo não está chovendo e tudo segue como sempre,
Só que quando não estás o tempo passa lentamente.
Estou louco prá que voltes. Já faz tanto que te fostes…
Não encontre um novo amor aí, tu prometestes.


Te beijarei, como ninguém neste mundo te beijou.
Te amarei com o corpo e com a mente,
Com a pele e o coração.
Volta logo, te esperamos
A solidão e eu.


Já nãu te divirtido mais, sei que alguém está te esperando.
Peça que fale bem mais baixo quando disser que já é tarde.
Só um último favor te peço antes que te vás:
Diga a ele que te cuide bem! me prometes que dirás?


A.S. (Minha Solidão E Eu - 1996)

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Uma das canções mais bonitas..

que he escuchado, bella...increíblemente triste..pero hermosa.



Ayer.

L&M:Rudy Perez/David Foster/Jeremy Lubbock



Hoy en un sueño te encontré
Como un loco te bese
Y estrenamos nuestro amor
Hoy lejos de la realidad
Conocí la eternidad
En un abrazo tuyo.
 
Como me duele saber
que esto es algo que solo soñé
nos desgarramos de placer
una promesa quedó
nos juramos lealtad sin testigos,
comprometimos el alma.
 
Hoy me doy cuenta que te amé
que mi vida la dejé
en un sueño que soñé
ayer...
ayer.
 
Como me duele saber
que esto es algo que solo soñé
nos desgarramos de placer
una promesa quedó
nos juramos lealtad sin testigos,
comprometidos,
tu y yo unidos,
comprometimos el alma.
 
Hoy me doy cuenta que te amé
que mi vida la dejé
en un sueño que soñé...
ayer.
L.M.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Cuando llueve

Cuando llueve, cuando llueve y te consume la lentitud del paso del tiempo,
Te devora la exasperación de la voz de otro, voces irracionales, voces y tonos alterados,
Distorsionados, al hablar,… de igual forma distorsionados al escuchar.

Me molestas y te molesto,
Mientras llevamos una subsistencia de consumo innecesario, mientras tanto… no soy, ni me dejas ser,
Cuando llueve, cuando llueve y me sofoca la rutina, lo mismo es, lo mismo siempre,
Causa y consecuencia, justificada o no, lo mismo es, y mientras, no puedo ser,
Irrita, irrita el mismo olor, la misma esencia de canela,
Todo siempre agridulce,
Cuando siempre hay un nacimiento y un funeral, cuando un gesto amable no puede ser tan solo eso,
Dejar el orgullo atrás está sobrevaluado, despojarse de él no hace diferencia.

Te molesto y me molestas,
Mientras llevas una vida esperando más, queriendo devolver el tiempo,
queriendo cambiar lo que El y el destino habían escrito mucho antes de tu despertar, previo a tu salida del capullo, previo al desprendimiento de la placenta que te servía de abrigo, de consuelo y luego dejaste tu vida pasar.

Mientras quieres reflejar en mi espejo todos tus defectos, llegaste tarde,
Los míos son vastos y sin ayuda de nadie,
y necesito aire;
Sientes que te desprecio mientras me desprecias,
Y dirán: “al menos sienten”, pero no te siento, no me sientes,
Solo siento mucho que las cosas sean así,
Lamento que la vida no te haya dado tregua alguna,
Siento mucho que imposibilites la mía,
Nada es suficiente, no soy suficiente,
Y me lo recuerdas constantemente, olvidas que mi memoria no falla de forma conveniente, es lo opuesto, doble efecto,
que solo olvido lo bueno, lo útil, lo necesario para respirar,
mientras espero que algún día me detengas y repitas cuidadosamente alguna virtud que en algún momento pudiste percibir,
… no una causa perdida, no un gran error en tu vida, y espero, hasta tanto
no me dejas ser.

Como dedo en el gatillo,
como alambre, rojo o amarillo,
o casi perfecto si fuese azul,
y un botón se enciende, y el conteo regresivo inicia,
Se enciende el otro,
Y como bomba nuclear es imposible detenerle,
Detenerme, detenerte,
Y es una convivencia tóxica,
el Che no es, no hay ideales, se trata ahora de Chernovyl,
no es un terrible accidente;
allí todo nace mutilado, desfigurado;
23 años después todo lo que nace allí está sentenciado a sufrir;
creo no necesitarte, solo paz, despertar cada mañana en armonía con el cielo, con el aire, y con la luna que aún no se acuesta,
rehusando a caer en el mismo juego infeliz, me alejo, cada día más,
me pierdes y te vas, te alejas, con tu voz de siempre, así te alejas,
con mis sentimientos heridos,
con mi ego fracturado, así me voy, cantando,
sigilosamente, entonando tonadillas de antaño,
de cuando el rol de cada quien estaba determinado, como 11avo mandamiento,
y como 12avo la historia de siempre, iniciar todo lo que no puedes terminar,
iniciar todo lo que no dejas terminar,
pensar mucho y vivir poco,
no puede ser.

Callar no es virtud,
para mal,
callamos lo elemental, para mal nunca auscultamos,
Hablo y es un gemido silente, un trasfondo, un re-juego no autorizado,
Respondes y es un sonido desprovisto de sentido, es una pregunta que responde a otra,
Dejemos de hacer.

Hoy no lloro en silencio,
espectadores leales me escoltan,
Y mientras me hincho de malestares pasados, presentes y futuros,
Estallo donde sea, cuando sea, en soledad o a casa llena,
ellos tienen platea.

A.B.V.N.

Friday, November 16, 2007

“You need a ride somewhere?”

“I just thought it was so romantic—the idea that you don’t need to be loved in return in order to love something or someone. Love can come from you. It doesn’t have to be reciprocal. People love their cars. People love all kinds of things, and they really love them. And we don’t really value that kind of love because it’s not a real, reciprocal kind of love, but it’s real love to them.”

R.G.

Happyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy bdayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!

I hope the date comes out right ...hehehe but just in case TODAY, November 16th, 2007 my blogspot has turned 3 years old! awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!! sooooooo cute!
3 wonderful years of so muchhh.
:)

what can I say this is my baby!

Felicidades a mi hehehe.


Abvn.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Desnuda.

Como tormenta tropical en el medio del Sahara,
Como la ausencia que acarrea la presencia de la indiferencia,
Como el dolor infinito que causa la pérdida de un hijo,
Como ese mismo dolor sempiterno desde el momento de su nacimiento,
Como un dolor inmensurable cuando no se comprueba su procedencia,
Como el sol al posarse en tu ventana, el mismo que a miles de kilómetros me corteja horas después,
Como la luna visualizada desde Marte, mientras le veo desde Venus,
Mientras añoro el paisaje que has de tener,
Más aún añoro los ojos de ella, ella quien te ve y arropa cada madrugada para mi, cada noche para ti,
Así, así es como no puedo arrancarte de mí.

En mi memoria e inventado retazos de vida,
Los más bellos y radiantes momentos de mi existencia jamás vividos, énfasis jamás...
Solo en momentos como estos, lo admito, me reconozco esa vida fantástica, pero feliz y en extremo bella;
-Que me has hecho-, me inquiero continuamente, advirtiendo como absurdo ser directa y cuestionarte directamente,…
Discretamente te temo, discretamente te quiero,
En la intimidad del silencio de mi silencio te deseo,
Te deseo felicidad, amor, prosperidad,
Te deseo pensamientos que me incluyan, te deseo que evoques mi presencia,
Que añores mis palabras con el sonido de mi voz adjunto,
El sonido de mi voz que con tan poca frecuencia has escuchado u oído,
El sonido de mi voz, que dudo recuerdes fielmente,
Espero que me hayas escuchado en algún momento,
Espero que no hieras mi ego, ni rompas mi corazón con una negación, rotunda o no,
Añoro tu voz,…ese canto proveniente de tus cuerdas vocales,
Como eco en basílica, aun te escucho,
Siempre te escucho;
Añora por favor mi tacto y sonrisa también,
Que lo que he callado te desvele, y que el misterio de mi ser origine en ti intriga angustiante,
Te deseo la felicidad que todo esto trae cuando no importa nada, cuando se quiere, cuando se ama, cuando el dolor se manifiesta en ocasión de una gran felicidad,
Te deseo todo tal cual como te siento.

Deseo que me extrañes, de la forma más genuina y bizarra,
Que pienses en un beso de mis labios, y que la muerte acaecida a continuación nada cambia,
Te deseo dolor infinito al verme en brazos de otro, de solo saberme con otro que no seas tú,
Te deseo que sientas un vacío mutilante cuando otro me tome de la mano, y pasee con orgullo,
Te deseo pienses que es un gran desperdicio de mi tiempo el estar con aquel, sea quien sea él,
Que pienses con total seguridad que solo contigo he de ser feliz,
que junto a mí cada día será perfecto,
te deseo que me veas por dentro y por fuera, que me sientas tuya,
Con o sin derecho,
Te deseo que quieras hacerme feliz,
Te deseo todo tal cual como te siento.

Te quiero con absoluto desprendimiento, solo porque no te tengo,
y me mata, me aniquila este sentimiento,
Me haces daño, me haces daño y lo se,
Solo porque lloro y río, y he olvidado distinguir motivos, distinguir el uno del otro,
Me haces daño, me haces daño y lo se,
Solo porque este cuerpo que me ha sido asignado usa uno solo de sus pulmones para sobrevivir,
El otro, el otro respira por ti,
Me haces daño, me haces daño y lo se,
Lo se porque a pesar del cansancio que me agobia, aun así no duermo, y de hacerlo,
De nada vale, porque no descanso,
Porque espero con ansias tus horas, en las que con impotencia te veo ir y venir,
En las que no hablamos, en las que no te siento, no estas junto a mi, pero estas allí,
Inmutable, en total desconocimiento de mi alma, de mi corazón,
Ajeno
a que ingenuamente has vertido tu veneno en mí,
Inconsciente de tu hechizo, de tu embrujo, de que me has cegado,
que me he cegado por ti.

Lloro y río, no distingo, pero se motivos,
Siento tanto por ti,
Siento mi falta de arrojo,
Siento mi inseguridad brotando dolorosamente por mi piel,
Y estas grietas en mis manos no dicen nada de mi pasado, ni futuro,
Hablan de mi presente, son grietas que abren de dolor,
Hablan de todo lo que no me atrevo a decir, a decirte,
Hablan de lo que soy, y que quisiera poder decir que fui,
Y así, así dejar de ser,
Y poder convertirme en todo aquello que necesitarías que fuese para quererme,
Quererme como te quiero yo a ti,
Tal cual como eres,
Sin cambios, sin modificaciones,
Con cada virtud, y defecto, si has de tenerlos,
Recuerda que me has cegado, me has cegado y te creo perfecto,
Y no importa, ver o no, te adoraría igual, lo se,.. lo se,
Así, así tal cual, por quien vivo y muero.

Aun así, así no puedo arrancarte de mí,
Ni por tan solo un momento,
Deseo que de la misma forma no puedas arrancarme de ti,
Ni por tan solo un momento.
Me haces daño, me haces daño y lo se,
Lo se,
porque todo lo que deseo que sientas por mi, solo he de sentirlo y vivirlo yo,
En completa soledad,
Y te pediría que me rompas el corazón, en mil pedazos, quizás en dos,
De todas formas sería tuyo,
A pesar de que no colectes las piezas, te las enviaría yo misma,
Y te pediría que destroces toda ilusión,
Que dejes de alimentar este amor que me carcome,
Y sería en vano,
en vano porque aún sin corazón,
Aún sin sueños, ni esperanzas,
Y más aún, sin cuerpo,
De todas formas no puedo arrancarte de mí.

A.B.V.N.

Monday, November 05, 2007

I forgot to light his candle on October 31st,

…. it is the 1st time in 11 years.. I know I am a nerd and I obsess over all things I cannot change.

I have never seen that date as a festivity, at least not the way most people see it –even if it is November 1st, “el Día de los Santos Muertos” the official date (at least the date designated by the Roman Catholic Church) I don’t think it is a day to party, not October 31st nor November 1st.

I have never understood the point of celebrating “Halloween” in my country, sure you can go to many parties, dress-up, etc., but not on the particular date…that is just me. As It is a time to “be with”, or remember your loved ones who are no longer with us and even as I believe you don’t need one particular day –date- to do so, I don’t believe you have to wear masks, and do whatever it is people do …

Historically speaking the day of all saints is intended for all reasons but what we commonly practice.

I was thought at a very young age that November 1st is a day to celebrate and honor the lives of the deceased, because it is the material presence we used to know what is no longer with us, and the celebration comes from the thought of festivity the continuation of life brings, believing that death is not the end, but rather the beginning of a new stage in life, something else, something bigger. ..That is just me. – We should all celebrate this any day, if we want to; that is not the point, instead is the “respect” matter.-

I remember seeing people holding white orchids and all sorts of white flowers, walking down streets dressed in white or black, -never did I participated in such things nor did my family, as far as I am concern-, yet while traveling inside the country, I saw that many times..

It is not about going to graveyards/cemeteries and churches, we should do that, if we want to, any day, any time, not because of a date.

-It reminds me of Valentine’s commercial purposes, and I am not going there –

But the quiet time, the peaceful time, this date has always been…

( I don’t want to disturb the dead)

I just don’t get the craziness…I don’t understand why people HERE “celebrate” “Halloween”, it is not part of our culture, nor history for that matter, and by “celebrating” I mean getting funky outfits and drunk.

And I am not the one to educate anyone on this matter, considering that the All Saints Day – as I remember “learning” at a young age at school- the date –which was not November 1st at that time- was considered “festival de la Lemuria” (I think no one could answer my question regarding the meaning of the word, I can’t remember) or something –in Roman tradition- and it was on that date when exorcisms were perform to houses or places believed hunted by the souls/spirits/spectrums of the deceased, I was also told these were wicked and malicious (both words are the same in my book…-in English- or at least most of the times in Spanish not so much).

Anyway, Is ironic how in our culture is used as an opposite, I thought that back then, and I think so still. But we deal with a different historical reality, we were indigenous 500 + years ago, “Christianized” and it was then God and the idea of afterlife (and it is believed in our culture still) brought by Catholicism (right? .. )

I have no idea why I am thinking or writing anything about any of this; my frustration is “I forgot to light a candle” and it is so much more than that, a candle, not an important item but so representative throughout history; a candle for someone I didn’t know, never even met, and far from that would be by now about ten years older than me. And for the 1st time in 11 years I forgot to light a candle in his memory - as I have no memory of that person in my life, never was-

And I obsess over things I cannot change, I do.

There are people that amaze you without even saying ONE WORD, their sobriety yet all the opposite to that seemly moderation; people who even give you the impression they are homeless, and maybe they are -in more substantial way than “owning a house”, the kind of people who change your life and they have absolutely no idea the impact they have on others just by being themselves, with their grace, character, generosity and apparent lifestyle, they are good… but most of all they are rare.

Walking among the living but in a higher ground, for us who see them, who watch them walk, pass by, and then...darkness, as they leave but their brightness remains, even if we are suddenly covered with a fog, thick, due the departure, but in time, we kindly see the brightness never left, it was just overshadow with sorrow, sadness, the sincere desolation, “losing” them causes.

It amazes me, even more, when that person touched us, thousands and thousands of km. apart and like traveling through time, 10 years ahead, and fourteen years ago.

It is weird the way people dies, the day, the time, the place, the way, the contrast...how we have lived and then in a moment, just like that “it’s over”, in a second, a nature thing, a men thing, a men thing sentenced by nature, and vice-verse; everything changes and we affect others so much not only by the way we lived but how we died in that second, how we left, or were taken away; we leave so many unanswered questions it makes me tremble to think leaving like that, like some sort of mystery..

Leaving those who loved wondering “did I ever know her?”, “who was she?”, “what happened?” I don’t want to leave that grieve…or weird “fascination”, the book that seemed to be open but never truly was…

And above my admiration for the beauty I see, still, in this person, I see a great example of all things I want to be and all things I don’t to become… or stop being…

I don’t want to forget to light his candle, every October 31st, he touches me deeply and in the mist of all my emotionality, the one that I so candidly hide, and socially speaking rarely demonstrate, this touching way to express myself …I am and I don’t longer care about showing it, when I write, I have not care about that for 11 years and there is so much to do.

I still have to learn to say “I love you”, and to do it in time as well, to speak my heart out and say all things I can’t but write instead… it is not pride, ironically, is shame of my emotions, embarrassment of my feelings, and that fear to seem corny , the fear to jump.

It is that candle that reminds me that it is okay to cry in public, it is okay to walk away from a room when you feel your heart is about to break… it is okay to be human and most of all to act like one.

A.B.V.N.

“God had tried to convince him to be born one more time. He told God, "I'd rather stay up here with you." So they bargained. God was persuasive, and he offered to go for five years, and then ten, and finally agreed to visit earth, but only for twenty-three years.”
H.P.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

una canción en la cabeza...

te deseooo que te vaya biennnn por la vida!
te deseeoooo de todo corazón que seas feliz cada díaaaa
no tengas tanto miedoo por mi, ya encontré mi caminooo
la luna va a seguir ahí aunque no estés aquí conmigo!

te dejooo el alma en libertad para que al fin puedas volarrrrr
te dejo una luz en el suelo, por si decides regresar..
te dejo un sitio en la ciudad en donde puedas recordar,
te dejo una estrella en el cielo, que cumplaaaa tus deseossss..

ya no guardo el menor rencorrrrr, te lo juroooooooooooooooooo
ya no guardo las ganas de tenerte junto a mi, aunque es duro!
no tengas tanto miedoo por mi, ya encontré mi caminooo
la luna va a seguir ahí aunque no estés aquí conmigo!

te dejooo el alma en libertad para que al fin puedas volarrrrr
te dejo una luz en el suelo, por si decides regresar..
te dejo un sitio en la ciudad en donde puedas recordar,
te dejo una estrella en el cieeeeeeeeelooooo, que cumplaaaa tus deseossss..

dejé desnudaaaa la paredddd, pero los clavos aun se vennnnnnnnn!!
nuevas fotosss nuevosss besos algún día colgaré!
TE DEJO EL ALMA EN LIBERTADDD!!!!

te dejooo el alma en libertad para que al fin puedas volarrrrr
te dejo una luz en el suelo, por si decides regresar..
te dejo un sitio en la ciudad en donde puedas recordar,
te dejo una estrella en el cieeeeeeeeelooooo, que cumplaaaa tus deseossss..
que cumplaaa tus deseosssss,
deseos!:)
deseos..
bueno ya me voy, ....adiós!
dí adiós! - adiós-!

P.R. - "Alma en Libertad"

Súper fresa la canción, pero a esta hora me siento fresa:) y sobre todo si las letras están mal, poco me importaaaaa, "las penas se van cantando...Y es más bello vivir cantando", y bueno..te deseo toda la felicidad del mundo.- always have-

ADIÓS!

A.

Saturday, November 03, 2007

It is Saturday

..November 3rd and it is today when I realize the magnitude of the damages caused by Noel through its unexpected pass in my country.


With little to no time at all this past week, working at the office, disconnected from my country's TERRIBLE pain, being suffered as I write this lines, due to the "tropical storm" called Noel. It is ironic how my job consists in dealing with people, lawyers, clients, from across the world, being up to date with what is going on in each jurisdiction and yet being so detached from my own reality, my people's reality.


On Friday, October 26th I thought to myself "wow, it is going to rain like hell", and the day before, while driving next to my mom a sudden rain happened, like nothing I've seen before (considering no storm was announced), and just as it happened, it stopped, and Friday the sky looked like it was going to "fall down on us", Saturday, October 27th, couldn't leave the house due to the heavy rain, Sunday, October 28th, the power light was cut off in my neighborhood, the heavy rain caused short-circuits in the system and light bulbs in my street started to exploit, with the weather not giving in I decided to go out, as I drive away from my house I thought to myself "I am going to regret this", and I picked my friend Raul at his place, as the house's security escorted him out -of his house- while holding an umbrella, and the song being played, simultaneously, in my car stereo I repeated to myself "I am SO going to regret this".

The rain seemed to stop, we arrived to Mix, and just as we were walking in the parking lot, started again, once inside we forgot about the rain and the almost flooded streets, drank a few bottles of wine, then met with 2 other friends, and although the hour restriction on Sundays established –until 12 am- the night was far from being over, rolled to a Casino -don't ask-, and afterwards "dinner" but as I refer to it at such hours "breakfast" at Adrian Tropical, and then home. And it was then, while driving alone in my car at around 4 a.m., constantly changing my route home since I could not pass in my car –a 2003, Toyota Corolla S- and turning the halogen lights of the car off –to avoid ruining them- due to the heights of the water in the streets I realized I was certain of what I said when I left home – I was truly regretting it- and my sole consolation was "I have two friends following me until I get home" and their constant light changes were comforting. Yet driving in my zone, my typical route home, which I love, not only for the peace, security and great location but a route I have walked many times in my childhood and adolescence, and so centric –absolute metropolitan area- almost cosmopolitan, with its sophisticated houses and towers and the "old school" vibe of many houses, old houses, my neighborhood, the 1st "high class" neighborhood in my country, and at the same time so close to the Colonial City, it was devastating to me, in a weird psychological way, to see so much garbage floating in my street, on a Sunday night, so much water, and there I was about to scuba-dive in my not so "high" car, but then again I was truly tired and I had 2 bottles of white wine down I just wanted to go to bed.

Monday, October 30th, pay-roll day, a day –along with the 15th of each month- in which probably no one fails to go to work, as I wake up with a hammering headache, my house's phone rings –it was 6:00 a.m.-, a co-worker, asking me if I am going to work, as I say "I guess, why shouldn't I?" and then "oh well, the weather I know, it hasn't stop raining and the sky is looking disturbingly ugly, what do you think we should do?" and her reply was " I guess we should go and if things get uglier then we leave, but take a cab, don't take your car, all streets, bridges and tunnels are flooded, I have no power light, but I was hearing the news in my portable radio and the word is that there is a tropical storm affecting us" –no kidding- I thought to myself and then "yes I believe that, yet how come no one said a word yesterday, nor Friday or Saturday?" –"I don't know"- she said. And there I was taking a bath, about to fall on my knees from the headache, and as I got out of the bathroom with my towel still covering me, I went straight to bed saying "the rain is not stopping any time soon and my shift does not start until 8:30 a.m". –it was 7:00 a.m., as I started to feel worse and worse, my mom asked me "what did you have for dinner last night?" and I said "mofongo" she replies "uhmm, did you have alcohol prior to that or all together?" and obviously my answer was positive and the "it was wine" clarification seemed important, so I did, and her response to that was " I think you are dealing with an indigestion" and as I do believe my mom is right, at least most of the times, on her predictions it was in that same moment when I felt this nauseating stomach sickness, my face heated and red colored, as my head felt like exploiting I ran to the bathroom and everyone knows how that story ends –no need to detail the gruesomeness of it- but keep in mind it took about 5 trips to the bathroom, after that 1st one, for the headache to stop and then I took my sinusitis medicine to ease my condition and rest a bit, after all I had almost one hour to get to work, therefore I went to bed.

Another phone call, this time to my cell-phone wakes me up –again-, this time at 9:00 a.m., another co-worker, asking me where I am and if I am going to work, I said that I was going, which was completely true, but I was going to arrive at around 11 a.m. because I was dealing with an indigestion, and she said "if you're feeling sick don't come, the streets are a disaster, I am only here cuz' after I drove in this weather be damn sure I'll get some work done before I go home", I obviously took her suggestion I thanked her for the call and went straight to bed, AGAIN. I woke up at 4:00 p.m, called her back and asked her what was up at work and she informed me everyone left at around 2:00 p.m. "everything's fucked up in this country" –she added- and there I was with no power-light and my mp3 player uncharged –it is also a radio- (and yes I later remembered my brothers cell phones have AM and FM radio etc), at around 6:00 pm the power light was reinstated and it was all over the news "a mother nature's disaster" and it was all bad, but all we could see was the city of Santo Domingo, the national district, to be exact, and the National Emergencies Comission speaking of the unexpected storm Noel, etc., "UNEXPECTED" I said, how is a storm unexpected? -with great disbelieve, which I still profess and maintain- this is not a Tsunami, this is not an earthquake, this is a tropical storm which forms itself -just like all storms, hurricanes, tropical depressions, cyclones, etc. etc.- with visible rapid gust, sudden rains, unstable weather changes, -things that are visible and lead into easy predictions from the experts in these matters-.

And as simple as it sounds to just say that a low pressure system formed over the Central Caribbean (south of the Island) and that it was on early Sunday morning that this low pressure system evolved as a Tropical Depression, and rapidly became a Tropical Storm., threatening us, directly, the consequences of that threat becoming a reality are far from simple.

I will not make this matter a political matter, like most people has done so far, that is not the problem, the problem is: many are dead, many are missing, even more have lost everything they own, and many of the same have lost all they love – partners and children-; this entire –and already past week- I have been so caught up in work, office work, is not even funny, most days on a 17th hour journey, tired enough to avoid contact with "the media", no late night news and no newspaper.

Today, is the day when I have stopped to – far from smelling the roses- catch up with what really went down and still is going on across this Nation. Devastation is an understatement, desolation also is, tragic and dramatic situation is as light as a Paulo Coelho novel, it is dreadful (alarming/disturbing/horrible) I have no damn idea of what truly is, to be honest, I am part of the lucky ones who only suffered not having power light for a few hours, I did not lose a loved one, I didn't have to choose between a loved one or another, to save, because it was absolutely necessary to make such "selection" in order to have one or the other to survive, I didn't lose my home or/and house, -people lost both, their home (as in where and with who your heart is) and house (their material place of safety) because a river dragged all out, and drowned everything there was to be drown, I am shocked of the images I have laid my eyes in today, what I have seen…

People drowning in the eyes of cameras, of witnesses too afraid to go in …afraid to die, people screaming for help as rivers drag them in, … a mother, a mother holding her baby up as she only has her two arms out of the water, trying to prevent her baby for drowning… and then THANKFULY, being rescued before …before;

a kid was filmed as the remorseless waters of a river took his life, …and I was too busy analyzing a possible letter of reconsideration for an objected TM, replying messages, and overall bitching about how lousy people in other countries work..

as heavy and prolonged rainfall hit most of the country, with rivers overflowing their banks and causing major flooding, landslides and the destruction of bridges throughout the country…

bridges collided and left communities unable to communicate, leave, enter, nor reach in any way, not by phone, earth, air or water, and I was cranky because I was unable to eat properly due to all my work, I was cranky inside of a safe building, inside of an office, communicating with people –nice, smart, funny people-, having their company, with phones, internet, music, air conditioner, food, even candy… and there were kids being dragged by rivers as their parents were unable to save them while clinging to their younger kids, and I am devastated of my unconsciousness, sadden with my behavior – which I will not justify with the "ignorance" card -, I am even more sadden today -as I realize my terrible human failure- because it is in this same day that there are people calling me up to ask what am I planning to do tonight?

What are my plans for tonight? -I was asked- in the exact same moment I was watching a kid drown in dark brown waters –a kid who drowned a few days ago-, someone's son, someone's brother, someone's nephew, someone's grandson, a kid whose body has probably not been found to this day and will probably not be found to be buried in sacred sepulture, like his parents would most definitely want, and he is only one of the many…

And I wonder, what does anyone in their right mind might think I will be doing tonight?

The latest bulletin (No. 13) from the National Emergencies Commission issued last night says that the death toll as a result of Noel has risen to 82, while 43 people are still reported missing, 16,353 houses were affected and the total number of people displaced by the flooding is now at 65,412 –and rising-. Of these, 40,774 are staying with family or friends and 24,638 are in the 126 shelters set up by the authorities; 90 communities are cut off, and 46 roads and bridges were affected by the storm yet transit to the south western city of Barahona has been re-established.

The most affected areas are Santo Domingo, Distrito Nacional, San Cristóbal, Peravia, Azua, Barahona, Pedernales, Independencia, Bahoruco, San Juan de la Maguana, Santiago, Puerto Plata, Espaillat, Salcedo, Duarte (especially Bajo Yuna), María Trinidad Sánchez, La Vega, Monte Plata, Moseñor Nouel, Hato Mayor (especially Sabana de la Mar), El Seibo (especially Miches), Sánchez Ramírez, Dajabón, Montecristi, Santiago Rodríguez, La Altagracia and San Pedro de Macorís.

It is Saturday, November 3rd and according to weather forecasts, intermittent rainfall will continue for the next 48 hours.
48 hours of rain… which combined with the over-saturation of the soil, due to all previous rain and flood, will cause further flooding and landslides, so I hope the number of displaced people increases for their own sake, to prevent further tragedies, who should be assist, like currently are, with safe shelter, food, medicine and medical assistance.

About the bulletin I just mentioned above, and world wide news reporting numbers, numbers of deceased, magnitude of damages and the quantifications –estimated- to "fix" them, the numbers of displaced and all sums made,…I have to say I don't know about numbers, just like everyone reporting them truly know nothing about those numbers, after looking the monstrosity of the devastation NO ONE, and I AM CERTAIN, can know for sure how many …or how much…

All we can do is pray, all we can do is lend a helping hand, all we can do is donate whatever we can, including our time, contribute in any possible way, contribute…just HELP.

It it is Saturday, and I am sad…,
it is Saturday and I know I love my country, my people,
it is Saturday and a piece of my heart is missing, it is Saturday yet our hearts beat synchronized..
it is Saturday and I definitely do not feel like dancing,
It is Saturday and I am Human.

Ahdee

HELP, I beg you:
http://american.redcross.org/site/PageServer?pagename=ntld_noel_1107&s_subsrc=RCO_ProfilePage_Link&s_src=F7ZWGR00

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

“Because of the sadness”.

That's the trigger in Leland's psyche to kill his ex-girlfriend's mentally challenged little brother.

The United States of Leland follows the consequences of such "horrifying, despicable act", there's no doubt murder is as terrible as portrayed in this film, in a even bigger perspective when it comes to the murder of a helpless, defenseless kid, but what is truly the background of the cause/effect is our human condition leading us to behave "inhumanly".

Ryan Gosling's character, I believe, was more in touch with his sensitivity than what most people is, even if he didn't show it the way people "wanted him to", what do we, common people – so to speak- think or how do we react when we face a situation we are not used to? In this particular matter, how do we respond in the presence of a mentally challenged person? Do we feel sorry for them? How different do we treat them from the rest? How do we manage ourselves in their presence? How do we talk to them? How "nice" in a scale from 1 to 10 are we? (and how "nice" we usually truly are?) Do we make fun of them? Do we sympathize? ……

What about helping them? Treating them in a way they feel "normal" (and I mean normal on the basis of social grounds)? Do we talk and act like we usually do in our so called "normal lives" when people we believe "unfit" or "special" are around?

And let us not be confused and narrow it to "mentally challenged" people, what about people dealing with a great sense of loss: widows, orphans, parents who have loss their child, or chronic depressive people, friends who are going through a rough time in their lives, it is about US the entire WORLD, we are beyond fallible, we are all beyond issues, we all are beyond fucked up, some of us reckon that, most of us don't, but that is not the concern, the concern is, HOW DO WE REACT?

I could sit here for hours and the bottom line is we all do the same, we all have this "sympathetic" response to situation where "everything is going to be alright" seems like the right answer, it is not enough, but we do it, we say it anyway, but how do we truly help? What can change things and make them truly okay?

Nothing can, because if it depended on making amends then, many ex-wifes or ex-husbands would be dead and many best friends to the surviving ex would be in jail, you can't force a person to be "not depressed", you can bring someone's significant other, or child, or parent from the death, and it does not bring them to life to kill whoever is responsible from their departure, either we can't go to heaven and beat God down, we can't beat the hell out of our friend's former boss so they hire them back…

But if we did any of that, will it make us more or less human?

If you care enough to try and make amends by doing "all the wrong" things above mentioned, to bring them some sort of peace or relief, will it make us or turn us into monsters?

If you pull the plug on someone we love and hate to see in pain, who begged us in the past or a present time –with little gasp of life- to fasten the un-dignifying process of their death, would we? Would I as a lawyer knowing at least in my "legal knowledge of what is right and wrong" practice euthanasia on someone I absolutely love and adore? I don't know if that would be right or wrong morally, I wouldn't know for sure…not at all I have to confess, but I do know that would aggravate to situation -being "aware" of its illegality- but inhuman? I don't know if it would truly make me a monster –but it would sure cost me sentence for murder, perhaps attenuated-

That said, I don't know where we stand, I don't know what beyond any reasonable doubt is worse, to keep in this cold, horrifying world a precious piece of you who would be without any chance to survive without me, without constant care and guardianship and I am probably wrong and I know why, I know the answer to that: we are constantly in companion, there is constantly through our entire world being guarded and guarding someone else, we don't see it on a "in your face" situation, but they are there: parents, friends, teachers, family, schoolmates, college mates, colleagues, workmates, boyfriends, girlfriends, policemen, fire fighters, the operator when you press 0, secretaries, the Human Resources departments, grocery store, maps, clerks, salesman, nurses, doctors…and it goes on and on, truth is we are never truly alone, at least not metaphysically speaking, yet what do we do about the sadness? Who is there to "fix" it? We all are sad in a way or another, but how do we change that? Medicine? What kind of pills will only affect that part of your brain that produces the substance that affect your emotions, without affecting something else in a negative way?

Just like medicine, our actions have secondary effects, cause/effect AGAIN. No deed, whether is good or bad, goes without consequences.

The thing about civilization is that all societies in order to prevent our human-ish ways conflict with our behavior, create parameters or/and rules which are shaped to enforce what we, as humans in our fallible condition, are unable to or get confused in how to respond because our feelings, emotions and VERY DIFFERENT concepts of morals can not decide since they "get in the way", because of what we know or don't know, it can not be left to our discretion to decide.

I can't say what is the right thing to do, I can only say what is legal and what is not, I can come close to what is less harmful or more correct, but not "the right thing" because the right thing would be to kill the bastard who killed your son, but it would also be right to let the law decide what is right, and if it fails, then it is right to let God decide on judgment day, and if not it is also right to pay someone and kill the son of a bitch, and that is way none of us can truly know what is right and what is not.

When I was doing my thesis –Abortion Law in the D.R.- I was asked many times by my college mates –now colleagues- what I thought was right and not and the smartest answer I ever came up with the day of my thesis presentation to my jurors (because before that I said "I don't know yet") – once I finished and saw all points of view, from an economic, social, moral and religious, patriarchal, liberal, medical, point of view I could finally understand what my answer was- so when one of my jurors (who in his youth studied to be a priest and who has openly expressed his categorical "against of" position) I said "I can only say what is legal and what is not, according to our legal system" and I keep my position.

I know if a daughter of mine is raped and is with child from that event and she wants or needs to get an abortion I would not oppose.

I know the child is not to blame.

I know it is murderer, no matter how we would like to disguise it.

I know murder is wrong in God's eyes.

I know murder is wrong in society's eyes.

I know a baby, even more, an unborn child, is a helpless little creature that depends on his/her mother to survive, therefore is an even more horrifying crime to do such thing as an abortion.

But I also know the consequences an unwanted child brings.

I know the irreversible damage it can and would cost to those involved –mother & child-

The frustration and psychological damage it would cost a child to KNOW to FEEL and therefore to LIVE a loveless life next to the person who is suppose to love them, adore them and protect them no matter what.

I know no more than what average people know.

I know it is illegal in my country and inexcusable no matter the circumstances, that there are no attenuations either.

I know deep in my heart that even if the abortion occurs under the circumstances described above it would still be murder and therefore wrong in the eyes of God, yet if my baby, my daughter, believes is the LESS HARMFUL thing to do, I would not oppose… monster or not, I would not oppose.

Would I do it if it were me? I doubt it, even in those circumstances yet I can not impose what I believe on others.

What is wrong or right we don't really know beyond what we, personally, in our own conviction believe it is, that is why we can not be the ones deciding arbitrarily.. we can only hope to do what is less harmful or to act on the grounds or causing as less pain as possible to ourselves and others, and to be and do things as good as we can possibly can.

I would probably write something to contradict myself, I do not doubt it, but this is me today, this is how I feel right now and I would probably analyze my other perspectives on the matter. Until then I continue to be crazy
J

Ahdee.

"the horror!!, the horror!"

Ps: I recommend the film "The United States of Leland", if a movie makes you wonder, think, analyze, contradict yourself, or just go nuts, then you should watch it.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

"I doubt you ever put your heart in anything.."

Cuantas personas pueden decir lo contrario?..ya sabes, con orgullo y determinación absoluta "todo lo que hago..lo hago de corazón, 100% dedicación y entusiasmo".

No me refiero a largos escritos, análisis jurídicos, "tareas" y/o "asignaciones", trabajos, labores, sino querer, amar, respetar, vivir, ..han existido personas que hasta han muerto con pasión..es más, han pasado por el mundo personas que toda su vida, en ese largo o bueno, corto, trayecto se han dedicado al 100% a buscar la muerte, tocándole la puerta y saludándole de frente. Hoy en día hasta eso admiro.

Eso de amigos, verdaderos amigos, es difícil hoy en día, serlo o mantenerlos, siendo el tenerlos el verdadero mayor reto, amigos al 100% dedicados a serlo.
Ya extrañar a alguien implica tanto, sentir nostalgia, solo personas que han dejado cierta marca o impacto en nuestras vidas se hacen extrañar.
Son tan pocas las personas que puedo decir me "hacen falta" y son tantas las que se encuentran lejos, en cuerpo y espíritu, y sin embargo no lo siento, no lo percibo, no siento ese vacío y es irónico como personas que "han compartido" y con los que "he compartido tanto" no han dejado ese espacio, pesado y doloroso con su partida, eso nunca lo he podido entender, solo se que ha pocas personas les he podido decir "te extraño" o "me haces falta" o "estuve pensando en ti" o sentí nostalgia" o todas esos sentimientos juntos, no puedo decir que se trata de personas "realmente importantes" sería injusto, poco delicado y sobre todo alejado de la realidad.

Para extrañar a alguien se necesita ponerle empeño a ese sentimiento, darle y darle a la herida que busca cicatrizar, darle mente a todo lo que se ha quedado sin decir, las cosas incompletas o inconclusas, las cosas que debieron ser diferentes, las palabras que no vieron la luz, cosa que al contrario de irte "en paz" todo fue resuelto y por ello se queda cierta calma atrás: "se ha cerrado el capítulo" ..closure.
Molesta el "no aproveché el tiempo" o "pude ser mejor amigo" o lo que sea, es como esa sensación de que has arruinado algo..no sé porque pienso en mis amigos ahora mismo, no puedo pensar en un familiar, los que han fallecido han partido a un mejor lugar y están en paz, sin embargo extraño a mi abuela, no debería retenerle en mis pensamientos (soy de las que piensa que eso les retiene de este lado y no, no es Medium haciéndome daño ni Ghost Whisper), pero ella es inevitable.

He perdido totalmente el punto de lo que quería decir, no sé, es la suma de todo lo que ...
pensar mucho "darle mucha mente a las cosas" definitivamente hace daño.

Extraño la niñez - inocencia que trae consigo-, el agua tibia, el chocolate caliente, los cuadros de mi casa enganchados, la sensacion hogareña, mis cd's de Bush y Tori, mi esmalte de uñas color "rojo sangre", el "colorsito" de piel, el largo de mi pelo, caminar de mi casa a casa de Marlen Ilonka, caminar con Nadine por todo Gazcue, ir a casa de Jean Paul a dizque tocar guitarra, jugar con sus perritos, mi par de tennis Polo Sport, mi colección de postales cortesía de Tamaño y Pata e' Palo, la grata sensación que me daba ver -extrañada- un video de Incubus en la Tv, o de Glassjaw, o Coheed and Cambria, extraño mi "pajón" rizo, me extraño a mi misma, mis sueños tranquilos e intranquilos -al menos les entendía-, mis recuerdos, las canciones que cantaba con Nads y el "viejaaaa tu has escuchado..." "viejaaa tu recuerdas la canción que decía....", ir a casa de Cristina a cantar y tocar el piano, ir a la playa, salir a mi manera y sin complejos ni paranoia, extraño el "me importa un carajo lo que piense quien sea"..extraño los amigos que simplemente eran amigos y nunca juzgaron.
Extraño poder hablar de un libro o fotografía o hecho histórico/social con alguien, extraño la lasagña ....el pan con aguacate, los abrazos de corazón -cálidos, fuertes y con sentimiento-, extraño los besos de misma categoría.
extraño lo que conocía y extraño la percepción de la vida y del "hombre" -nosotros-, extraño mi fe y optimismo, extraño mi fortaleza y control.
Me extraño, y los extraño..
Los quiero.

Pongo el corazón en todo, hasta en la muerte, cuando sea necesario,
al menos eso puedo decir.


a.b.v.n

Monday, September 24, 2007

una velada con Jeff Buckley, Grace y una botella de vino...

La nostalgia que se me ha metido por los huesos no tiene comparación...
algo que en aquel momento no entendía,
pero sonaba hermoso,...hirientemente hermoso y fui desgraciada al descubrir esta magnificencia luego de su paso terrenal, peor aún y para más daño a mis emociones de igual forma conocí su música, haciéndolo aún más bello.
Me duele algo por dentro mientras escucho este disco..Me duelen los sentimientos y me pesa un dolor ajeno, algo que quisiera decir no me corresponde, pero siento..
Como en una de sus canciones dice: "quizás soy muy joven para evitar que un buen amor se arruine" o algo así...
o fui muy joven para evitar que un buen amor se fuera por el caño, un gran desperdicio,
"roto y hambriento de tu amor sin tener como alimentarlo y aún más ciego para ver el daño ocasionado...”
Hay cosas que uno tiene que evitar escuchar, por el bienestar de su salud emocional.

Enferma desde el sábado por la mañana me he ocupado de desempolvar esos álbumes que te dan "en el pelao'", y esta belleza, que pereció con apenas 30 u 29 añitos, lo veo y digo "uffffffffffffffff bárbaro cuanto tiempo" y por los viejos tiempos y el hecho de que Draco ha sacado el tema de Leonard Cohen en español me puso a pensar en quien en verdad hizo ese bello tema famoso, Mr. Buckley, pero se equivocan al resumir su trabajo a ese tremendo cover.


Y si no me creen pregúntenles a Dylan, Cornell, Bowie o Yorke quienes les he escuchado alabarlo en entrevistas..y no se han equivocado al hacerlo.

Y una botella de vino es el mejor acompañante para una velada con Jeff Buckley.

Ahdee.


Looking out the door i see the rain fall upon the funeral mourners
Parading in a wake of sad relations as their shoes fill up with water
And maybe i'm too young to keep good love from going wrong
But tonight you're on my mind so you never know

When i'm broken down and hungry for your love with no way to feed it
Where are you tonight, child you know how much i need it
Too young to hold on and too old to just break free and run

Sometimes a man gets carried away, when he feels like he should be having his fun
And much too blind to see the damage he's done
Sometimes a man must awake to find that really, he has no-one

So i'll wait for you... and i'll burn
Will I ever see your sweet return
Oh will I ever learn

Oh lover, you should've come over
'Cause it's not too late

Lonely is the room, the bed is made, the open window lets the rain in
Burning in the corner is the only one who dreams he had you with him
My body turns and yearns for a sleep that will never come

It's never over, my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder
It's never over, all my riches for her smiles when i slept so soft against her
It's never over, all my blood for the sweetness of her laughter
It's never over, she's the tear that hangs inside my soul forever

Well maybe i'm just too young
To keep good love from going wrong

Oh... lover, you should've come over
'Cause it's not too late

Well I feel too young to hold on
And i'm much too old to break free and run
Too deaf, dumb, and blind to see the damage i've done
Sweet lover, you should've come over
Oh, love well i'm waiting for you

Lover, you should've come over
'Cause it's not too late.

J.B.

Monday, August 27, 2007

just damn beautiful...

I’ve been obsessed with this song, it’s been awhile since I last got caught up with one in such a way. It is no mystery how highly I think of Sanz, beautiful writer, performer, singer, musician, I couldn’t care less about who he might truly be, or his personal life, I am indifferent to it, just think about his creations and I feel joy, whether is for good or bad.

This is undeniably one of the most beautiful songs I’ve heard, adding it to my list, Sanz happens to be the one with the most great songs in my book.

Ahdee.

Como un pacto sin firmar
Yo no espero más de ti
y tú de mí no esperas más
es un pacto sin firmar
en la planta de tus pies
en el árbol, en la mar.
 
Como un pacto sin firmar
yo no espero más de ti
tú de mí no esperas más
un pacto sin firmar.
 
En la planta de tus pies
traes arena de otro mar
te los limpio y me hago el loco
y como si esto fuera poco
antes roto que doblarme
antes muero que dejarte.
 
Y no espero que seas nadie
para mí no es importante
yo no bailo con princesas
pero te haré reina del baile
estoy a punto de romperme
porque me gustas con coraje
mira que te lo advertí
que te metes con quien no sabes
ya te habrás dado cuenta amor
que yo no hago cosas normales.
 
Ven que no voy a cambiarte
ni tu vida será otra
yo te invito a este lugar
donde el amor no se equivoca.
 
Ven que no voy a cambiarte
ni tu vida será otra, no,
ven conmigo a este lugar
donde el amor no se equivoca.
 
Como un pacto sin firmar
yo no espero más de ti
y tú de mí no esperas más
es un pacto sin firmar
en la planta de tus pies
en el árbol, en la mar.
 
Mira que te lo advertí
que te metes donde no sabes
ya te habrás dado cuenta amor
que yo no hago cosas normales
pero cuando quieras escaparte
del cristal de tu escaparate.
 
Ven que no voy a cambiarte
ni tu vida será otra
ven conmigo a este lugar
donde el amor no se equivoca.
 
Ven que no voy a cambiarte
no quiero que tu vida sea otra
ven conmigo a este lugar
donde el amor no se equivoca.
 
Ven, que no voy a cambiarte
ven conmigo amor
ven conmigo a este lugar
donde el amor no se equivoca
 
Ven no voy a cambiarte
no quiero que tu vida sea otra
y ven conmigo a este lugar
donde el amor no se equivoca
 
No se equivoca
ni tu vida será otra
no se equivoca
el amor no se equivoca
no se equivoca.


A.S.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Para variar...

Justamente ahora irrumpes en mi vida,
con tu cuerpo exacto y ojos de asesina,
tarde como siempre
nos llega la fortuna.


Tú ibas con él
yo iba con ella.
Jugando a ser felices por desesperados,
por no aguardar los sueños,
por miedo a quedar solos.


Pero llegamos tarde,
te vi y me viste,
nos reconocimos en seguida
pero tarde, maldita sea la hora,
que encontré lo que soñé
tarde....


Tanto soñarte y extrañarte sin tenerte
tanto inventarte,
tanto buscarte por las calles como un loco
sin encontrarte.
ahí va uno de tonto,
por desesperado
confundiendo amor con compañía.
Y ese miedo idiota de verte viejo y sin pareja,
te hace escoger con la cabeza
lo que es del corazón.


Y no tengo nada contra ellos,
la rabia es contra el tiempo
por ponerte junto a mí
tarde...


Ganas de huir,
de no verte ni la sombra,
de pensar que esto fue un sueño o una pesadilla,
que nunca apareciste.
Que nunca has existido.


Ganas de besarte
de coincidir contigo
de acercarme un poco
y amarrarte en un abrazo
de mirarte a los ojos,
y decirte: "bienvenida".


Pero llegamos tarde,
te vi y me viste,
Nos reconocimos en seguida
pero tarde.


Quizás en otras vidas,
quizás en otras muertes
¡Qué ganas de rozarte!
¡Qué ganas de tocarte!,
De acercarme a ti y golpearte con un beso,
de fugarnos para siempre
sin daños a terceros....


R.A.

Cliché o no, a todos nos ha pasado, o nos va a pasar...wrong timing happens to the best of us.

Ahdee.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

I'm not running from you

Made a call some time ago as my heart was left sore and torn
it was mine to be made,
it was my heart bleeding in and out at least I thought it was.
Years later I hold no regret, you're still unworthy of the love I'll never be able to give,
It's sad how you're still "first when no one's on your side" as you continue to tell things your way.

And as we avoid to even look,
I felt this -I can't describe- on my stomach,
hard to believe how it turned your way,
re-writing history,
now the villan has dark eyes and hair,
it's true I'm not running from you,
not afraid to look you in the eye,
it's your hate and fear,
that guilt I ain't carrying anymore.

We can go on forever ignoring each other,
but you need to know
desdain I can't even feel for you,
that's too much for me to give
so I leave that for you to act on,
maybe it's sad you're not proving me wrong
you're still a child,
that's why it didn't worked out to begin with.

Ahdee.

"I am finished with you, bury me..bury me."



"A Light bulb goes out, other people fix it, get a new one. Light bulb
goes out for -you- and you stand in the dark and say "what did I do wrong?"

And my answer to that is: "That guilt's not in me anymore".

Quote taken from a C.S.I. episode (adapted to my view)


What if I wanted to break
Laugh it all off in your face
What would you do?
What if I fell to the floor
Couldn't take all this anymore
What would you do, do, do?

Come
Break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you

What if I wanted to fight
Beg for the rest of my life
What would you do?
You say you wanted more
What are you waiting for
I'm not running from you

Come
Break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you
Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you

I tried to be someone else
But nothing seemed to change
I know now, this is who I really am inside
Falling from myself
Falling for a chance
I know now, this is who I really am

Come
Break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you, you, you
Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you
Come, break me down
Break me down
Break me down

What if I wanted to break...?

30s.t.m.