And in our dialogue,
which seemed to be the one two people having an affair, while being at a dinner party with their respective spouses in the same room, would have: in secrecy
she said: “I don’t know when or how he became so disconnected, not to mention inattentive, he would even leave without saying he is, I feel like I am a stranger to him, not even when we started dating was he so restrained around me”…
Couldn’t help myself and said: “it’s the f***g season”, afterward only listened, and thought: “what’s the big deal? - aren’t they all the same?”
But standing next to me, there was one who is not like that at all, never was and hasn’t change (…let’s say yet, just in case), so no, I took it back, they’re not ALL the same.
She said: “we used to communicate, or so I thought, we could talk about everything but I see now that is as worth as sign language when you don’t know the 1st thing about it, …he walks away from conversation, from banal to insightful”
Intrigued, I asked her why she thinks he does that or if he has told her why?
She replied: “he says he’s tired, I don’t understand!, drained with that? Being an egotistical imbecile who f***s up and expects me not to react?"
So I went straight for the jugular “are you fighting a lot? Analyzing, evaluating, adding letters to numerical equations?”
Her answer: “there’s nothing to fight about, apparently I signed a clause, prohibiting me to touch Pandora’s box, I didn’t even knew there was one..”
I: “why would anyone touch it?”, she reacted as if I meant the opposite, so had to elaborate: “you don’t go there because you want to, no one wants drama, …-I’ve said that so many times in the last few months I’m starting to believe there are people who actually like creating drama-, “the box is open, and the light is blinding you, so why not close it?”, “why can’t people think, damn, believe, you want closure for it?...why they have to assume you want it open lying around…
Freaking light hurts the eyes!”
We both laugh.
He: walks by, we greet, it’s been a while, he’s a nice guy, just as f***d as we all are, the problem is he hides it so damn well is hard to believe he has a worry in the world, and that, right there, is part of the problem, probably the biggest part: dealing with people with such quality makes it hard to understand their behavior, are they ok? Are they mad at you? Or someone else? Did something happen? How can that be, he seems so “cool”; and in the end, it’s the same when it comes to the knowledge of their feelings towards their “significant other”.
He walks away.-
She: “should I keep looking the other way?”
I did, just one big laugh and stopped as soon as I realized it, apologized immediately, and without waiting for her to ask me for advice, I said: babe, run, and run fast, cuz’ it’s downward spiral from there, unnecessary …complicated things I could not describe.
She said “I know, I know”,
To which I replied:
“no you don’t and you’ll try to make it work looking the other way, and after a while you, hopefully quite soon, realize it’s getting you (both) nowhere, not to mention: that’s not even you, and you’ll be exhausted of feeling taken for granted and your neck will be as sore as your pride and self-worth;
And if you do see things for what they are, you’ll be able to stop it before it gets awry, for he has things to deal with or sort out, just like you have your own, and I’m certain being emotionally involved with someone who seems to not be involved with his own feelings, is walking backwards to the things you are coming from”
she said: “it’s hard for him to express his emotions”
I said : “and that’s perfectly “normal” for some, I might be off here, but not for such as you and I”
She: “I wanted it to work, I’m extremely tired from trying now”
I: “It’s the season, but it’s not that cold yet, and it’s always better to close the door in the better terms, so all good things won’t be corrupted by these intruders”
She: “I don’t want him to think I walked away from him, or gave up easily”
I: “at the risk of sounding bitchy: is one of his issues being a complete moron?, I don’t think so; we always know when we f**k things up, we’re just too proud or idiotic to face it, he knows he’s pushing you away, besides you already told him the effect of his actions upon your feelings” “also remember,….people are not to be fixed, electronics are”, “call it, if it’s time to do so, but nicely or just implicit, …walk, ..you care for him so there’s no need to be a bitch or hater, be mature enough to offer your friendship and act like one..”
She says abruptly: “he has hurt me in many ways, I’m sore, bitterer cuz’ I cannot even speak to him”
I said: “then be polite…at least, your education demands you to be at least civilized”, “if you feel like that, you must understand you have to get the hell out”
And aside all obvious reasons …being involved in a marathon in search of answers and justifications is a classic battered wife symptom. (the prelude)
So what if, it’s better to not even bother asking? You expect and search for reasons, explanations and all sorts of “communication” as to why things are the way they are, and you’re probably REALLY looking, desperately, for a comprehensive validation to keep you from walking away, and put an end to something that you love to have when you have it, and cry yourself to sleep when not…, so what’s for the better?
When did it happened that our emotional state of mind revolves around other’s capacity or lack of, to treat us “right”, …softly, lovingly, …
(probably around the same time we had to create “religions”, to reassure beliefs and faith, in order to give us some peace or comfort for all the things we lack and pray to overcome each day, or once a week, or when a loved one passes away..) – such a…. subject-
When emotions seem to be directly connected to what someone else might or might not do or say: the problem is on this side of the equation. Same thing when ..it’s mutilating your emotional attitudes, with the difference of the affecting blackmail involved:
“el chantaje emocional”
Personally, I dread any sign, -hell that’s an understatement-, it horrifies me, anything that might suggest something like that
(like mom says: “algo anda mal si en lugar de amor recibes sufrimiento, y algo anda extremadamente mal si lo aceptas como bueno y válido; por algo el amor es amor y el odio, odio, a veces suceden hechos aislados, que nadie es perfecto, pero un día te quiero junto a mi y al otro no, un día te quiero hablar y al otro no, un día es dulce y al otro ni te habla…(entre otras 50mil cosas que mom has said), algo está pasando”;
Even though “it takes courage to be gentle and kind”, if you don’t have that in your relationship, move on;
Getting to know someone, by all means requires certain amount of those qualities, amongst many other, and it’s not a roller-coaster that comes and goes, oblivious, it also takes courage to say “I’m sorry” or simply acknowledge when you’ve done wrong, and for the record, if someone you believe cares about you is unable to do so, then you’re believing wrong.
And so for having anonymous and rapid conversations with friends you haven’t seen in a while, even if it is for less than 15 minutes in a crowded place, rain outside, and intense live music in the background, is worth every lustful, sick, depraved, nasty-look thrown your way…
That’s what some do, talk, and sadly for some, that’s a problem.
So here’s to all those who refuse to: suffer in silence, go to bed angry, misunderstood, ashamed, or insulted, hurt and taken for granted.
Being hurt shouldn’t be a reason of shame, or play de pride card, au contraire, the only person who should feel rightfully ashamed is the one who has done you wrong.
Here’s to human beings, still human.
Ps: there are people who say what they really mean, always search for those.