Tuesday, February 10, 2009

lunes, septiembre 18, 2006 .- a.b.v.n.

lunes, septiembre 18, 2006

If someone did a number on you..

A little number.

Inspired by a friend I'm having a conversation right now (you know who you are)

As I asked him, "why don't you just jump?", while speaking about his current relationship, something inside me felt wrong and insincere, I've never jumped in my life, sounding like a complete emotionally mutilated person, I'm not, pretty much the other way around.

As kids when we get hurt while doing something we liked to do, we'll probably don't do it again, scare of cutting our knees, hands or face, who knows?, A car almost hit me while I was roller skating, I was maybe 8 years old, I got seriously hurt as I jumped to the other side of the street, scared and alone I got myself home with blood all over my face, I was bleeding like hell and I had no idea where was the blood coming from, but it was near my nose, … people staring, trying to help me, and all I could say, I could barely say it actually, was "I don't talk to strangers"..
(Parents should teach their kids, that rule does not apply when you're bleeding out)

It was hard enough to get the roller skates out of my feet, considering I had to keep one of my hands on my face, I got to my house, my mom was shocked, terrified and in absolute panic, rushed me to the bathroom and all I could see was blood going down everywhere, I felt dizzy and tired, ..Don't remember how we got there, or how long it took, I was at the emergency room, I was sedated, now that I think about it, they should have sedated my mom instead, she needed it the most, I saw the iodine (didn't even knew what the "substance" was) coming right to my face, and then the most terrifying thing a little kid can appreciate, I was getting stitches, IN MY FACE!!!

As you can imagine, I've never roller skate ever since. That's what it takes for people to stop jumping, for people to stop putting on the roller skates, for people to stop the jump they so desperately want to do right on top of love and relationships.
Once you get hurt, and bleed, you just don't want to experience it again…

Probably the horrible scar you were left with is a constant reminder of how much you don't want to be in that place once more, we become cynical, and there are no expectations on love, the sad thing is, we're losing on so much, and there's probably the most beautiful thing outside our door, but we're just too fucking afraid to open up and find it's that old collector,… to remind us why we shouldn't open the entrance.

I'm not going to advice anyone to open any door, if I were you, I would keep it closed up, locked if necessary, open when it's safe to do so, because sometimes rushing things, hurts other people, which is selfish and unwise. Why would you like to become some else's collector? Just because you can? Maybe because if someone's your collector, you should be one as well?

Is it true everyone, deep inside, wants to jump? Is it possible we try to believe that, to feel better about our positivism, and existence? But it gets to a point where we only do so, when we can see, clearly, there's a safety net below, waiting for us, to catch us?

Better not to jump at all, if it means being calculated, I can't see a good reason why love should be premeditated, planned and arranged. Isn't the main reason to do extreme sports/games, the rush and uncertainty of its experience?

Play it safe? Or don't play?
If I had to choose between, I'll sit on the bench for awhile, until I'm ready to play, after all, injuries we get while playing the game, heal, eventually, so why push it? When we know, by pressing on, it might get worse, and that knee may never heal.
Yet don't sit there forever, I know I'll someday get on those roller skates again.

Don't play the sport just because you can, but because you really want to and you just "love" to do so.

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